After Cody yoinked some chocolate off the table
Noah: Where's Cody?
Me: He's over here.
Noah: Is he still breathing? Is his heart still beating?
Me: I dunno. I only took his rectal temperature.
Noah: I keep telling you, that's not as important as you think it is.
On going to Victoria's Secret to buy some new bras with a coupon
Noah: I hope you know I'm not going in there with you.
Me: Why not?
Noah: I'm not going to be your trophy husband.
Me: "Look at this ladies. This is why I buy stuff in here."
When he came home from a run to the grocery store and found this on his side of the bed
Noah: Is this some sort of message?
Me: No...I was gathering things up around the house that were left places they didn't belong and thought I'd just set them here for now.
Regarding a CPR instructor's illustration of panicking when personal emergencies arise
Noah: He woke up and his wife was unresponsive next to him, and the first person he called was his father-in-law.
Me: Just like you when I had my gallbladder attack.
Noah: Right. But then he called 911 so it was okay.
Me: Oh good.
Noah: I mean, she died.
Noah: But she was already dead. There was nothing he could have done.