Thursday, July 12

Wordplay

According to Noah, "twiddle your bag of waters" isn't a more acceptable euphemism for "strip your membranes," but what can I do? Virtually every bit of vocab related to the miracle of life seems meant to make it sound as gross as possible. He especially hates it when I talk about the fundus (the top of the uterus), so naturally I mention it as often as possible. E.g. "Ethan just kneed me in the fundus." And I don't care what Noah says, "bag of waters" is hilarious.


Other verbotin words: colostrum, placenta, cervix.


I've researched some literature to help Noah get in touch with the earthy side of the whole process, and found a really awesome and helpful set of illustrations. Here's just one:


I literally can't stop laughing. I don't know who came up with this stuff, but it's gold.

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We haven't given tons of thought to names yet—we'll find out the baby's gender next Thursday—but Ethan's already come up with a couple frontrunners: Myrtletoot (for a girl), and Ethan Etheridge Boom-boom (gender neutral).

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"You haven't talked to the baby today," I mentioned last night in bed.
"Hi baby, this is your daddy," Noah lilted, leaning down toward my belly.
"Aww."
"Listen, there's a very important movie called The Hobbit coming out around the time you're due, and it's essential that you don't interfere with my seeing it on opening night at the theater."
"That's so sweet."
"Details forthcoming."

5 comments:

Kat said...

I am a HUGE fan of the recent influx of new blog entries. Keep 'em coming. Let's hang out soon.

Anonymous said...

I am also a huge fan! Hilarious! Mimi

Spang88 said...

I'm glad Noah has his priorities straight. I'd be disappointed if he had said anything else.

-Spanglow

Julia said...

I love that Noah is already coaching the baby to understand the importance of timing. I told my future kiddo that if we see the Hobbit before he or she arrives that he or she is not to kick me incessantly during loud parts of the movie like Audrey Grace did during Iron Man 2. Also, "stripping the membranes" remains one of the grossest terms as well as "perineal massage." I also whole-heartedly agree with your other verboten words. Um. Gross. Heaven help me; I still refer to my nether regions as "lady parts" and threw my pregnancy book on the sofa when I realized it had pictures of said parts. Pictures. I'd take a reference to bag of waters any day! Haha!

Erin said...

Julia—SO funny you said that. I prefer "lady parts" as well. And one of the books the ob-gyn gave me features illustrations of a month-by-month baby/womb growth, which is cool, except the illustrations include boobs. With nipples. I mean, is that really necessary?

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