Thursday, February 2

Secrets, lies and oral hygiene

Ethan looks just like my brother did as a toddler, and he seems to have inherited more than just the luxuriously long eyelashes and wavy-curled hair. Like Kyle, Ethan is an absolutely rotten liar. And by that I mean he's both terrible at it and terrible about doing it.

Kyle can't fib without the corners of his mouth freezing into this weird, uncontrollable Botox-gone-wrong half smile. Ethan's giveaway is his use of too much detail during denials.

Me: "Ethan, what are you doing behind that chair?"
Ethan: "Nuffin. Nobody didn't put glue on Daddy's [gui]tars. I don't know who did it."


Me: "Ethan, did you just take something out of Mommy's drawer?"
Ethan: "I didn't take your lip stuff. Don't look at me. Close your eyes and count to ten. Doughnut!"

*     *     *

Last night I came down with a fever and cold symptoms, so I sent Noah and Ethan out to the convenience store for Sour Patch Kids and Doritos (obviously). I was literally on my first Sour Patch Kid when a tooth broke and the crown put on it 5 years ago came off with it. Lovely. (The teeth problems are attributable to my mother's genetics; she was toothless from preschool until her adult teeth came in several years later.*)

Ethan, needless to say, made short work of my Sour Patch Kids while being riveted by my "tooth" that had apparently popped out fully formed and otherwise undamaged.

*     *     *

Unfortunately Ethan also has a bad habit of speaking very loudly, as when today after my dental appointment I was approaching him and Noah sitting at a picnic table on base and he shouted, surrounded by sailors coming and going from the gym, "Mommy, is your toof still in your mouf? Are you still mad because your toof fell out?"

I assumed Ethan's proclivity for massaging the truth came only from my brother, but I was wrong. Noah casually confessed that he told Ethan my tooth fell out because I didn't brush, so he should definitely brush, which he was happy to do after that little fable.

Who knows how many people now doubt my oral hygiene.

*It's just occurred to me that embarrassing one's mother is timeless.


Steven Tyler's PJs said...

NOAH!!!!!! That's terrible!

Also, I am really weird about teeth, so I was mentally flapping my hands at this story. I would have been BLOWING UP the dentist's phone.

roysie said...

Hilarious. Glad your tooth is better. Maybe you could make a game out of Ethan's "habit" that would teach him a lesson... :)

Anonymous said...

You didn't mention that even though I was toothless I was pretty cute and with long blond curly hair who really cares about teeth!


Ali Presley said...

I think I'm going to start employing this close your eyes, count to ten, DOUGHNUT! strategy.

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