Different but parallel wavelengths

As of two weeks ago, Noah's been a fixture in the REVO band. So naturally he had to buy another guitar. Most of you readers have never been in our house, but I can tell you that we're not suited to hold Noah's alarmingly increasing collection of guitars. Harmonicas, maybe, but not guitars.

"But this one, this is a really good guitar," Noah explained, as I stood befuddled, wondering how we got to this place yet again, this place where he's using Jedi mind tricks to convince me that another guitar is practically a necessity.

Three weeks ago he swung around the corner to our friend Vince's house, where a lonely Telecaster was languishing in his basement. "He's loaning it to me," said Noah. A few days later, he broached the subject: "You know, Vince said he was thinking of selling this guitar." Which was just a hop, skip and jump from Noah trolling Craigslist instrument listings and finding The Guitar, The One That He Really Needs.

He brought it home tonight. It is beautiful, I admit. I'm especially fond of the abalone inlays on the neck. But admiring its general cuteness is about as far as my comprehension can take me. My willful ignorance is no obstacle for Noah, though, who launched into an in-depth seminar and demonstration, something along the lines of a much-anticipated Apple summit, regardless of the fact that I sat slack-jawed as he delved ever deeper into the minutiae of it.

"If you tweak this flange, the humengarder coil changes the tone for a crunchier feel. As you can see, by simply turning this dial and switching this pick-up, the sound is definitely brighter—although it's a lot more obvious when the volume is turned up high. Haha! So not only can you select this whatsit panel, or this one, but when placed in the center, you can combine the two!" Pause for expected outcry of pleased surprise and applause. "And just smell that case! Like new! Of course I'll have to get used to tuning with a double-sided headstock, but this one doesn't have that little tray, so palm muting will be much easier."

Unlike Steve Jobs and his developers, poor Noah didn't have a dorky captive audience literally squirming at the thought of three hours of new revelations in gadgetry and performance. After about 30 minutes I figured I'd better interject.

"Oh, I see! So basically it's like one of those bras that the straps can go any which way."

He looked at me for a moment, sighed.

"Yes."