Wednesday, June 16

Because I want Michelle Obama arms.

Now that the cat is out of the bag about Noah considering joining a military reserve (Navy, Air Force and National Guard are all in the running, and FYI for those who don't know, none of them require him to quit his job or move), I can tell you that he's become something of a physical specimen in anticipation of basic training.

Full disclosure: I've lost nearly 10 pounds in the last 12 weeks. Noah, on the other hand, has lost 15. Though I may be working my way toward being a dish once again, Noah is already at Herculean. So. That's great for my ego.

I began going to Weight Watchers with my mom when I realized that the 15 pounds I gained after returning to pre-baby weight were probably because I was still eating like a pregger/nursing mom, even though I was neither. What I was, was exhausted. Also avaricious. Fighting for an equal portion while pregnant (I always and probably delusionally accused Noah of taking the lion's share) became a personal creed.

Anyway, I'm nearly back to where I want to be, but in attempt at reaching true fitness I've decided to ramp up my exercise regimen. Which until two days ago comprised walking, and walking a little bit farther. Noah came up with the brilliant plan to put me on his boot camp prep routine of push-ups and sit-ups. This sounded sort of goodish, except for the part about push-ups and sit-ups.

"What do I do first?" I asked.

"Just do as many push-ups as you can in one minute, and we'll go from there."

Turns out when it comes to push-ups I max out at zero. As soon as my boobles touched ground (which, post-baby, they do much sooner than they would have before), I experienced total muscle failure.

"Okay, well how about you do some modified push-ups, and we'll just mark this week's record with an asterisk?" Noah suggested helpfully.

My modified push-ups included leaning against a bench instead of being parallel to the floor, as well as only bending my arms partway. And by "partway" I mean "less than an economy airline seat's angle of recline."

When Noah announced I was just seconds away from the end of my Minute of Shame, I kicked it into full gear finished with three airline-seat-angle push-ups.

"Did you see that surge at the end?" I asked triumphantly. He did. "So how many did I do?"

"I didn't really count," Noah replied.

"Why not? You said we'd just mark this week's numbers with a star."

"No," he explained, "special push-ups get only a star."

In order for me to feel some infinitesimal sense of accomplishment, we've changed up my workout routine by using exercise bands to build up some muscle in lieu of push-ups for a few weeks. In an especial show of wisdom, Noah has abandoned the drill sergeant tack and instead has taken up a softer philosophy toward my training, which now includes frequent celebrations of mediocrity and mollycoddling.

Lean and mean, baby. Lean and mean.

11 comments:

Locusts and Wild Honey said...

Mollycoddle has to be the best word ever.

I'm on a diet too. My sister had to go and get engaged so now I'm trying to look at least somewhat presentable at her wedding.

Today I ate carrot sticks and felt like a stereotype.

Karen said...

For the past two months, I have been practicing yoga.

Although I am not trying to lose weight, I have loved the muscle tone I am developing, the extra flexibility, balance and internal peace that I have gained. Other people in my classes are utilizing it for weight loss and have been very successful.

There are push ups (sorry!) which are called Chaturanga Dandasana. Check out Yoga Journal online for specific information and pictures if you are interested!

The best part is that it is all done in a very supportive and encouraging environment! Good luck with your quest for a healthier you! Peace!

Jillian said...

Erin-I SO feel for you.

I too am still eating like a nursing mom (when the reality is that I haven't been a nursing mom in a little more than 6 months). The clothes I bought last summer to fit my slimmer physique simply don't have the capacity to be stretched over my inflated thighs and belly (etc., etc.). I'm doing my best to eat better; I run occasionally; and just a few minutes ago I did some free weight work for my bis, tris, and shoulders.

I'm still fat. I still have to wear elastic-waist skirts. Boo.

Congratz on losing the 10 pounds! I'd LOVE to lose 10 pounds.

Arjan said...

100pushups.com and 200situps.com might be a good plan in two weeks. I want to start doing these again too..
I've finished the situps schedule last year, pushups is harder..

Sócrates Newbold said...

So basically the best Private Benjamin impression you can muster.

Sal said...

Push-ups kick my ass every time. And they make the insides of my shoulders hurt. WTF is THAT all about?

Glad you're going with a modified regimen to start. Exercise should NEVER make you feel ashamed.

Dawn said...

Chatarunga pushups give you incredible triceps!

Congrats on the 10pds -- that's awesome! Also, as a (hopefully) motivating point: in February, I could NOT do even ONE full pushup. Seriously.

You've got the patience to mother a beautiful son and the strength to watch your husband strap on a vest to go help others, so I *know* you'll have Michelle Obama arms soon!

Jen said...

10 lbs is awesome! And don't compare yourself to him - stinkin' men always lose weight more easily - so unfair :)

stephanie said...

Chaturanga pushups are one of the most painful exercises on the planet! but you go for it...beauty is pain?

seriously though, 10 lbs is awesome. rock on.

Costume Diva said...

Work it.

Erin said...

Locusts and Wild Honey—I eat my baby carrots with this amazingly delicious, low-cal greek dip I make. I'll send you the recipe.

Karen—I actually have some yoga dvds that I've really enjoyed, and I took a yoga class at the YWCA before my membership lapsed. You've inspired me to get back into it!

Jillian—I LOVE elastic waist pants/skirts. I just got a pair of shorts from JC Penney (their cool a.n.a. brand) that are really "hip" if you will, and they have an elasticized back waistband. Which has the added bonus of no crack showing.

Arjan—I'll definitely look into those. Once I can do more than 10 sit ups in a minute. Dude, they do not tell you what having a baby does to your abs.

Soc—Precisely.

Sal—You know, going to Weight Watchers meetings have been totally inspirational and really help me celebrate my accomplishments instead of focusing on the smallness of them.

Dawn—You simultaneously empower me and make me weep. Thank you.

Jen—It is SO unfair. And with Weight Watchers, he gets nearly DOUBLE the points allowance per day that I do. Grrr.

Steph—Thanks! And maybe I'll indulge in those horrible things once I have some arm strength to speak of.

Costume Diva—That's the plan.

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