Tuesday, December 15

In which I compare myself to Amanda Peet (re: appearance, not financials)

Remember that time I went to class and did schoolwork for a whole semester this fall? Well apparently my school didn't remember, because my professor emailed me a couple days ago to tell me that he went to submit my final grade (A++) and horror of horrors, I wasn't on the roster anymore.

Apparently I'd missed my very last payment for this semester (nevermind that I've been prepaying for the spring semester at the same time) and so the school automatically dropped me. In October. Without notifying me, or my professor, in any way. Nada. No email saying Warning Danger Will Robinson You're About to Be Screwed. No bill saying "Hey, pay me will ya?" Nothing. At. All. So I went on my merry way, doling out hundreds of dollars every month, but apparently the wrong hundreds of dollars, because the hundreds of dollars I was sending in smelled of April Showers and May Flowers rather than pumpkin spice lattes.

So after freaking out and hiking up to my Moral High Ground ("If they don't reinstate me, I quit!") I went online to pay my past-due tuition. Only to discover a "Term Balance: $0.00" on my bill.

Long story short, not only did they drop me without, you know, telling ANYONE, they also zeroed out my fall tuition and put everything I'd paid toward next semester and marked it as "Anticipated Financial Aid" money. Um, what? My bill for spring (which I thought I still owed money on) suddenly said that the school owed me $300 in rebates. Are you confused yet?

I was, despite being a Math Whiz, so I called the student accounts office where I was told that I should click the "Make A Payment" button on my fall bill—the one that said I didn't owe anything—and enter the amount that I owed (which I had to search for, since the bill said I DIDN'T OWE ANYTHING). I can't emphasize enough the fact that my online bill said, basically, You Owe Us Zero Dollars and In Fact We Owe You $300 Congratulations!

Regardless, I was notified that I'd been reinstated, and I'm continuing to send money into the void. But to make myself feel better, last night Noah and I discussed who would play our respective roles in the blockbuster movie based on my bestselling memoir, and we decided on Jamie Bamber for him (obviously) but had trouble deciding which actress had the emotional range to play me. Amanda Peet would undeniably be the lookalike choice...



...but I think Amy Adams (with hair dyed brown) could nail my character's complexity. I'll discuss it with the casting director.

11 comments:

Seth H. said...

I think Noah should be animated, because he's always looked like an anime character to me.

Sal said...

Ooooh, fun times. It's like all those school-related nightmares came true! You DID get your A++ in the end, right? I get that you were reinstated, but the rest went OK, right? ASSURE ME OR I'LL BE REALLY ANXIOUS ON YOUR BEHALF.

Says the former goody-two-shoes.

Lisa Watts said...

I agree, I want to know that you get the A++?
And I'm ignorant enough to not know who Amanda is, but yep, you two are sisters, separated at birth. Amy Adams, however, is another good bet, you're right about the subtle complexity.

Erin said...

Oh, yeah I guess that was a key piece of the story...the RESOLUTION. I'd be one of those novelists that leaves you feeling empty and alone by the end.

I DID get the grade. They had to reinstate me so my prof could put my final grade in the system.

The Naked Redhead said...

On behalf of all of us that work in higher education, I apologize. Of course, I have nothing to do with the financial side of things, but anyway...apologies all around. That sucketh.

Melanie said...

I have to say, I was confused. Hope it all works out.

Slamdunk said...

Wow that story has the feel of a reoccuring school nightmare: professor enters grade and realizes student was dropped several months ago; wake up sweating profusely only to realize it is a dream... or is it?

Glad things are being fixed.

Single Parent Dad said...

I am unsure who would play me, any one of the secondary characters from The Ringer would suffice.

dadwhowrites said...

Oh that's bizarre! But fairly typical of educational institutions everywhere.

You're not going for the actress who played Starbuck, then?

Hmm. I'd probably cast Kate Winslet as supermum but we've yet to discuss. Suspect I don't want to know who she'd cast as me.

Dawn said...

Did you bite your lip and stare *really hard* at the imaginary teller in your mind as they tried to explain the whole, "Yea, the bill says we owe you $300, but you just need to ignore that and press the 'pay account' button. . ."? I'm thinking that, short of biting my lip and staring really, very hard, I would just collapse into giggles.

Anonymous said...

What a headache! If it makes you feel any better, I was at the doctor a few weeks ago and while I was checking out AFTER my appointment, they informed me that I had no insurance. Without an email or a phone call, my company dropped me from my insurance. I was so humiliated. Turns out some twit in HR checked a wrong box.

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