Dad, via text: It's beginning.
Me: Uh..what is?
Dad: What do you think?
Me: Um...an offer on the house? Or the second coming of Christ?
Dad: The latter. Duh.
Me: You mean the former? The latter one was Jesus.
Dad: Jesus is here and he's asking for you.
Me: Tell him I don't get off work until 5 today.
Dad: He said ok but he is really p*ssed that he has to hang around.
Me: So really, is there an offer on the house?
Mom, via text message: Do not put the conversation on the clog because it is blasphemous.