Monday, November 16

Status report

The heat from a mag light is not unlike the heat from an oven when it's held just inches from your face, and I know this because last night I spent 15 minutes under one when I forced Noah and my parents to inspect my throat for anomalies. They almost found one, too, but then decided it was just a tonsil vein.

However, I've developed something of a rash on my abdomen and left shoulder that's stumping everyone (everyone being my mom and Noah). Do yourself a favor: Don't Google ringworm. And therein lies the difference between me and a hypochondriac.

My problem isn't hypochondria, it's self-misdiagnosis. Like the time I had a heart attack (gallbladder), and the time I had tongue cancer (ranula—again, don't Google that). Yesterday I was convinced that my body was under viral siege since not only did my right tonsil feel bulgey, my right eye itched uncontrollably all day.

After the Bulgey Tonsil Weird Eye Incident, my friend Lisa sent me this message, via Facebook:
Oh my. Do you have a good doctor? (I'm not offering my services, you've just gone beyond what I can look up online.) Allergy does present with fatigue, itchy eye, rash...isn't that good doctor language?

Maybe it's a reaction to a full house?
I'll give Lisa credit for suggesting allergies, because when I took Benadryl the itchy eye and bulgey tonsil temporarily went away. Or at least I think they did. Difficult to say, since my hands went numb and I passed out on the couch for two hours after taking it. Have I mentioned my sensitivity to medications?

As far as my Serious Conditions potentially resulting from our full house, I actually don't think so. My parents haven't broken anything in the two weeks they've been here (although Noah's Xbox succumbed after my dad touched the power button, there's no proof that he was the cause of death), and I haven't been subjected to much bad TV since we had an extra cable box installed in their room.

In fact, just about the only change I can report is that Plant and P.J. (Plant Junior) seem perkier—and that's probably owing to the huge increase in carbon dioxide from my mom's indefatigable talking and throat clearing.

7 comments:

Slamdunk said...

Sorry to hear that the strange medical issues remain unsolved, but I am glad the humorous barbs at house guest are starting to appear in the blog.

The Bug said...

I've given up on self diagnosis. I always think the worst too & then I just get annoyed at the doctor for not agreeing with me. I still have unexplained chest pain, but I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! I think I'm just getting old...

But you're too young to give up! Keep trying to figure it out - & let us know!

May @ Anne and May said...

Oh heavens. Mysterious rashes are the worst. I always liken them to Biblical plagues and I should know, I'm very rashy.

I hope the mystery is solved soon!

Christopher said...

Thankfully you need neither your tonsils nor two itch-free eyes to continue writing. The hands going numb, however, is a disturbing sypmtom. I guess you could always dictate to Noah.

Erin said...

Slamdunk—I knew you were looking forward to me dishing the dirt on the 'rents. More to come.

Bug—I will persevere.

May—I think us fair skinned gals are prone to rashlike maladies.

Christopher—I already dictate to Noah. Oh, you mean dictate my posts.

Sal said...

Benadryl has the same effect on me. And for that, I adore it. Hope this turns out to be something quick and benign ...

Kate said...

Eh, self- misdiagnosis makes life interesting. And it can inspire you to get stuff done. One time I had a swollen gland (turned out I was about to get the flu) and I forced myself to finally get a will written. I tacked on a life insurance policy, too. Really, impending death, even the unrealized kind, can be very useful.

Regardless, feel better.

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