My doctor, we’ll call him Dr. Smartypants, has seen me through many illnesses—innumerable bouts with Bronchitis, one very unfortunate case of Mastitis (aka Your Boob Is On Fire and Is Killing You Slowlyitis), well let’s just say a lot of itises. Dr. Smartypants even held my hand after I fainted, which I thought was just him being kind and concerned, but I later realized that he was mainly checking my circulation since my fingers went white and cold as ice (Vampiritis?).
Anyway, I believe I’ve mentioned a curious rash recently marring the loveliness of my
After roughly 40 seconds of inspection and contemplation, Dr. Smartypants diagnosed me with ... pityriasis rosea. I know, sounds awful, right?
Well, calm down, it’s fairly benign. Naturally, I consulted Dr. Google to see if Dr. Smartypants really whipped that rarity out of his arse(nal) in under a minute, and boy did he ever.
Here’s what Dr. Wikipedia described:
Large patches of … rash on the torso. Due to similarities early in the disease course, the primary differential diagnoses are ringworm, psoriasis and discoid eczema. (So I thought ringworm, but I was wrong. Dr. Smartypants 1, Erin 0)
A single “herald” patch may occur 1 to 20 days before smaller, more numerous patches of rash. Occasionally, the “herald” patch may occur in a 'hidden' position (in the armpit, for example) and not be noticed immediately. (Me, a week ago: “Hey Noah, see that weird patch of skin under my triceps? What is that?” Dr. Smartypants 2, Erin 0)
The “herald” patch may be preceded by a sore throat of varying severity. (Uh…Bulgey Tonsil Incident, anyone? Dr. Smartypants 3, Erin 0)
The rash may be accompanied by low-grade headache, fever, nausea and fatigue. (Me, two weeks ago: “I think I might be pregnant, because of all these headaches, nausea and fatigue!” Dr. Smartypants 4, Erin 0)
And finally, for the win:
The overall prevalence of PR in the United States has been estimated to be 0.13% in men and 0.14% in women. It most commonly occurs in those between the ages of 10 and 35.
You guys, Dr. Smartypants diagnosed me with a weird but ultimately non-life-threatening disease that less than 1% of the population is affected by in under 3 minutes.
I’m hanging up my stethoscope.