Wednesday, November 18

Moving on

This morning as I sat patiently in the waiting room at my doctor's office, I was certain I had a real stumper for him.

My doctor, we’ll call him Dr. Smartypants, has seen me through many illnesses—innumerable bouts with Bronchitis, one very unfortunate case of Mastitis (aka Your Boob Is On Fire and Is Killing You Slowlyitis), well let’s just say a lot of itises. Dr. Smartypants even held my hand after I fainted, which I thought was just him being kind and concerned, but I later realized that he was mainly checking my circulation since my fingers went white and cold as ice (Vampiritis?).

Anyway, I believe I’ve mentioned a curious rash recently marring the loveliness of my deathly pale porcelain skin. Ha ha! I thought to myself. Let’s see what he has to say about this one!

After roughly 40 seconds of inspection and contemplation, Dr. Smartypants diagnosed me with ... pityriasis rosea. I know, sounds awful, right?

Well, calm down, it’s fairly benign. Naturally, I consulted Dr. Google to see if Dr. Smartypants really whipped that rarity out of his arse(nal) in under a minute, and boy did he ever.

Here’s what Dr. Wikipedia described:
Large patches of … rash on the torso. Due to similarities early in the disease course, the primary differential diagnoses are ringworm, psoriasis and discoid eczema. (So I thought ringworm, but I was wrong. Dr. Smartypants 1, Erin 0)

A single “herald” patch may occur 1 to 20 days before smaller, more numerous patches of rash. Occasionally, the herald patch may occur in a 'hidden' position (in the armpit, for example) and not be noticed immediately. (Me, a week ago: “Hey Noah, see that weird patch of skin under my triceps? What is that?” Dr. Smartypants 2, Erin 0)

The “herald” patch may be preceded by a sore throat of varying severity. (Uh…Bulgey Tonsil Incident, anyone? Dr. Smartypants 3, Erin 0)

The rash may be accompanied by low-grade headache, fever, nausea and fatigue. (Me, two weeks ago: “I think I might be pregnant, because of all these headaches, nausea and fatigue!” Dr. Smartypants 4, Erin 0)

And finally, for the win:
The overall prevalence of PR in the United States has been estimated to be 0.13% in men and 0.14% in women. It most commonly occurs in those between the ages of 10 and 35.

You guys, Dr. Smartypants diagnosed me with a weird but ultimately non-life-threatening disease that less than 1% of the population is affected by in under 3 minutes.

I’m hanging up my stethoscope.


Maggie May said...

I'm glad that's all it was, Ms. Smartyskirt.

Dori said...

Well...gosh...and is it treatable?
Aren't answers amazing?!

roysie said...

I feel like I just watched an episode of House!

Ben G said...

Wow, this post made me laugh so hard. I'm glad you figured out what it was!

The Bug said...

I agree with Roysie - I'm impressed by your investigative abilities. But I'm glad you're hanging up your stethoscope - it's just saner than way...

Costume Diva said...

I like that your rare disease starts with "pity".

Slamdunk said...

With this kind of luck, you should be playing the lottery. Hope you feel better.

mrs. fuzz said...

I hope there's a quick cure in store.

now you've got me thinking about vampiritis. . .

Lisa Watts said...

Thank you for adding a new one to my knowledge base, PITYriasis: a unique condition in which Erin engenders compassion while also making others laugh out loud.

Next stop: Google to find out what you have. Can't help myself.

Sal said...

I'm unbearably jealous that you have a good doctor that you trust. And that he's right about things.

Erin said...

Thanks everyone, for your concern. And also thanks to CostumeDiva for noticing that My Disease (that's what I'm calling it), ironically begins with "pity."

Unfortunately, there's no cure.

But it should go away by itself in a few weeks. I just get the pleasure of feeling like I'm in the first trimester of pregnancy, without the promise of glowiness and joy in the near future.

Sal—I will go ahead and tell you my doctor's real name, because he deserves renown. Dr. Stephen Hux, extraordinaire.

Jen said...

Ah, way to go Dr. Smartypants! Funny you want to hang up your stethoscope, it makes me want to go to med school!

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