Monday, October 26

"Watch husband get sexually assaulted by random woman" was not on my list

I've been inspired by the likes of Sarah Von and TNR to create a list of 27 things I want to do before my 27th birthday. However, I haven't gotten around to actually writing down the list. Despite that fact, I knew that 1) Going to a pro football game for the first time, and 2) Tailgating for the first time, were both on that list. You can ask Noah. I told him.

Well. Next month we're planning on tailgating at a Wake Forest football game with a friend from work who takes tailgating Very Seriously, but some other pals from work ended up with two extra tickets to yesterday's Panthers–Bills game, so we went.



There was eating of grilled brats and drinking of beer, something I don't often do, but I actually enjoyed the beer seeing as it was a perfectly crisp fall day. Also, it just seemed like the right thing to do. Because every commercial I've seen depicting tailgating features supposedly cool, sports-loving women drinking beer and cheering. (Perhaps I should put "be objectified by domestic beer company" on my list, so I can retroactively cross it off.)

Noah and I had tons of fun, and I didn't even get mad over the fact that we came in 4th out of 4 teams in the cornhole championship, a tailgating sport that sounds sort of rude but really isn't. Also, our seats were literally in the second row from the very tip top of the stadium. We were just yards away from the very scary looking ladder up to the stadium lights. The view, though, was spectacular.






The Panthers lost in a huge mushroom cloud of shame. Looking back, I realize I should have been more specific on my list, i.e. "Attend a pro football game in which the team I am rooting for actually scores some offensive points." I mean, John Kasay missed TWO field goals, which is basically his missed-field-goal quota for the year. Awesome. And then good ole Jake Delhomme threw three interceptions. Which is basically his interception quota per game these days. Worse yet, it seems that the upper decks were reserved for an influx of Buffalo fans, who are—and I'm speaking objectively here—obnoxious.

So obnoxious, in fact, that one of them—a possibly intoxicated but obviously loose woman—spanked Noah as we were walking back to the car while shouting "You just got spanked by Buffalo!" I would have punched her in the mouth except for the fact that there were Charlotte/Mecklenburg police officers standing there directing traffic.

All in all, a great time. And now I only have 25 items left to go.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sorta sounds like the Bears game vs the Bengals. We got beat like an old rug (or like egg whites for the cooks out there). No defense which I believe is kind of important. No offense to speak of (doesn't help that we've no legit WR's) and no running game (doesn't help that our O-Line is from the nursing home down the street). And I think Ocho-Stinko even had 2 TD's against our DB's and safety's that looked as if they were admiring the game from afar. Good thing is that I am now in 2nd place in the Fantasy league!! If only that would work itself out on the field...

Dad

Damsel Underdressed said...

You could come watch a Steelers game with me. ;)

The Naked Redhead said...

Yessss! Welcome to the madness!

The Bug said...

Dad - I live near Cincinnati & I am just astounded at how the Bengals are playing this year! They have been SO terrible the whole time we've lived up here that I never became a fan.

My husband graduated from Wake Forest & has fond memories of the football games. Course, that was 27 years ago so I'm sure the tailgating is a BIT different now. What's really spooky is that his old college roommate just called him tonight. They haven't talked to each other in 15 years.

mrs. fuzz said...

Okay so the noah getting spanked thing isn't as funny as it was when you twittered it. I assumed that he was in uniform working and that an actual prostitute had spanked him. Anywway, the tailgate parties sound fun.

Slamdunk said...

Glad you had a good time despite the outcome.

As a Buccaneers fan, I would make a offensive comment about the Panthers, but my team is so bad this year, I'll save my energy. I am actually looking forward to NBA season starting--I think that is called mild depression.

Erin said...

Dad—I don't even have the fantasy football to keep my morale high, since I have the same record as the Panthers.

Damsel Underdressed—That would be awesome.

TNR—Something tells me you'd throw a heckuva tailgate.

The Bug—Wake Forest is such a lovely school. And their new football stadium is magnificent, I hear.

Mrs. Fuzz—Spoken like a true cop's wife. How many non-cop's-wife women would prefer a prostitute spank their husbands as opposed to a drunken football fan?

Slamdunk—Although the Panthers lost, I used the Bucs' horrible record as a salve on my aching heart. Plus, the loss was more bearable because being at the game was fun. I would have been truly pissed if I had wasted an afternoon on the couch watching that.

Anonymous said...

OMG - I am cracking up at the mental image of Noah getting spanked! In uniform or out, that's really funny!

L3

Sal said...

Talk about taking liberties!

Arjan said...

makes me think about 26 things I want to do before I turn 26..given the fact my birthday is at the end of february (23rd) I really have to hurry up with the list to get it finished in time.

G+D said...

Aww, you guys look so adorable! Glad you enjoyed your first tailgating experience. Oh how I miss it...

Post a Comment

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...