Here’s where the real fun begins: Ethan had taken off his own diaper…which was completely dry. “Oh great,” methinks. “He’s been peeing all over the bed all night long.” But! Wrong! The bed was dry, save for a small, barely damp patch near the outer side of the crib. And then I realized the bottom of my foot was damp. Mysterious.
[cue catchy intro music]
Whenever you have a mystery to solve,
Whenever there’s a problem that you can’t resolve,
Whenever you suspect what’s happened is illegal,
Call on the skills of the sleuth, Fierce Beagle!
I scratched me temple and tapped me chin and deduced that the little devil had gone the whole night without peeing, then took off his diaper, stood up, and let it rip out the side of the crib. Naturally, I jumped immediately to Mission: Potty Train, because I’ve heard that if your kid starts waking up dry, it might be a sign they’re ready to start kind of sort of thinking about the idea of retiring the diapers.
So we went to Babies R Us (after first going out to buy ink for our printer, so Noah could hook it up to our new-to-us computer, and three hours later print off a coupon for $3 off any potty—a bargain, I tell you!) and picked up this stylish little duo:
For all you lovers of frugality out there (and I proudly count myself among you), not only did we get the potty for $3 off, we also got the stool for 50% off for buying it the same day, plus they applied the $3 discount to that too! [enthusiastic fist pump!]
When we got home, Ethan excitedly took his rightful place upon the throne, while holding the stool across his lap. (Listen, the weird little idiosyncrasies of toddler happiness are a mystery to even the cleverest detective. Can I get an amen?)
We encouraged. We pointed and explained. I even resorted to making a "psss psss" sound, which Ethan thought was hilarious and copied. And yet. No peeps, as we say around Ye Olde Fierce Beagle Inn.
In fact, Ethan has sat on his potty several times a day since we brought it home Saturday afternoon, and not even the minorest of sprinkles has sullied the ergonomic splashguard. Strange, considering the product description states, Using the potty should be comfortable so that your child is happy to sit there for as long as it takes.*
*Editor's note: Super glue not included.
So far, the only thing the “soft shapes … high backrest, comfortable armrests and plenty of leg room” have inspired is frequent fake-outs so certain 24-pound persons can roam naked from the waist down for extended periods of time while pushing the “durable, PVC-free recyclable plastic, with an inner potty that is easily removed for emptying and cleaning” to various locations around the house, including in front of the TV and under the piano.
It has also encouraged in Ethan an even sturdier loathing for and resistance to being diapered, now that he knows if he pretends to Have the Need he doesn't have to wear one at all.
I have a feeling the dry Saturday morning diaper was an anomaly. But the insistence on going au naturale? I think that's here to stay.