Monday, September 28

This post was not paid for by the mentioned brand. Although I'd be happy to take retroactive compensation if they're offering.

On Saturday morning, I went in to get Ethan up after I heard him mewling from his crib at the ever-luxuriously late hour of…wait for it…8:40 in the morning!

Here’s where the real fun begins: Ethan had taken off his own diaper…which was completely dry. “Oh great,” methinks. “He’s been peeing all over the bed all night long.” But! Wrong! The bed was dry, save for a small, barely damp patch near the outer side of the crib. And then I realized the bottom of my foot was damp. Mysterious.

[cue catchy intro music]

Whenever you have a mystery to solve,

Whenever there’s a problem that you can’t resolve,

Whenever you suspect what’s happened is illegal,

Call on the skills of the sleuth, Fierce Beagle!

[jazz hands!]

I scratched me temple and tapped me chin and deduced that the little devil had gone the whole night without peeing, then took off his diaper, stood up, and let it rip out the side of the crib. Naturally, I jumped immediately to Mission: Potty Train, because I’ve heard that if your kid starts waking up dry, it might be a sign they’re ready to start kind of sort of thinking about the idea of retiring the diapers.

So we went to Babies R Us (after first going out to buy ink for our printer, so Noah could hook it up to our new-to-us computer, and three hours later print off a coupon for $3 off any potty—a bargain, I tell you!) and picked up this stylish little duo:

For all you lovers of frugality out there (and I proudly count myself among you), not only did we get the potty for $3 off, we also got the stool for 50% off for buying it the same day, plus they applied the $3 discount to that too! [enthusiastic fist pump!]

When we got home, Ethan excitedly took his rightful place upon the throne, while holding the stool across his lap. (Listen, the weird little idiosyncrasies of toddler happiness are a mystery to even the cleverest detective. Can I get an amen?)

We encouraged. We pointed and explained. I even resorted to making a "psss psss" sound, which Ethan thought was hilarious and copied. And yet. No peeps, as we say around Ye Olde Fierce Beagle Inn.

In fact, Ethan has sat on his potty several times a day since we brought it home Saturday afternoon, and not even the minorest of sprinkles has sullied the ergonomic splashguard. Strange, considering the product description states, Using the potty should be comfortable so that your child is happy to sit there for as long as it takes.*

*Editor's note: Super glue not included.

So far, the only thing the “soft shapes … high backrest, comfortable armrests and plenty of leg room” have inspired is frequent fake-outs so certain 24-pound persons can roam naked from the waist down for extended periods of time while pushing the “durable, PVC-free recyclable plastic, with an inner potty that is easily removed for emptying and cleaning” to various locations around the house, including in front of the TV and under the piano.

It has also encouraged in Ethan an even sturdier loathing for and resistance to being diapered, now that he knows if he pretends to Have the Need he doesn't have to wear one at all.

I have a feeling the dry Saturday morning diaper was an anomaly. But the insistence on going au naturale? I think that's here to stay.

11 comments:

Dan said...

Don't push it with the potty training. It's just not worth it.

We've just sort of let it happen with both Amy and Evan, and while some of their friends were trained earlier we never had to battle with them or cause either us or them any anxiety about it.

JJ Daddy-O said...

Just show him this video:
http://bit.ly/2ddAFP
Translation not necessary.

Kimberly Stuart said...

1. Love the post.
2. Covet the sleuthing theme song and your ability to work in the word "illegal."
3. Splash guards are obscenely overrated. Don't sweat it. He'll urinate with great proficiency by the time he's off to college. Or he won't, and he'll be the talk of the dorm. Either way, you're off the hook.

kimberly

Christopher said...

When it comes time for the serious potty training, I found squirting a few drops of food coloring into the toilet after he went was enough of a reward to get him interested.

But on the flip side, he's now six and would still run around all-natural if we'd let him.

Great writing.

Jules said...

I waited until Mikey turned 3 to start potty training. I'm doing the same with Nico. I find their minds are more open to bribes, rewards, and begging at that age.

May @ Anne and May said...

Did you try holding up a meat-flavored treat and say, Treat? Treat? Want a treat? Go potty for the treat!

Can't say how it'd work for a toddler but it eventually wore down the defenses of one little anxious Chihuahua.

dadwhowrites said...

God, that's funny! Thankfully,little elf hasn't got any further than taking her grobag off, though we suspect serious resistance to nappies is on the way. Like Dan says, though, it just isn't worth pushing it. The only interest little elf has shown so far is in imitating her big brother who stands up to pee ( though thankfully without the accompanying wee)

The Naked Redhead said...

Sometimes I think the old school moms (you know, the same ones that believed in corporal punishment, homemade bread, and not telling their children about sex for years and years?) had some of the best ideas. My mother boasts that she potty trained us all in a day using this little method:

Strip toddler down to complete nakedness. Block said toddler and self in tiled kitchen with some sort of gate (or giant cardboard box, as it were). Set potty chair in kitchen. Force fluids into toddler all day while you bake bread. If toddler pees on floor, no biggie. If toddler pees on potty...give loads of candy. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I can't say I remember this process, but I can say that I have had very few accidents since that time of my life, so bonus for me and my loved ones. Good luck!

Slamdunk said...

We have one (the year old girl) using similar equipment to learn the potty chair and she is doing very well. Her twin brother has shown no interest in toilets yet, so we are half way there.

One thing that has been a lifesaver has been a little portable toilet that we keep in the back of the van for the little girl. She is really unpredicatable as to when she is going to shout "I got to go!" so on trips or even shorter drives being able to let her go immediately without the pressure of finding a gas station, mall, or department store has been a great gift.

Erin said...

Dan—I thought anxiety was an essential component of potty training.

JJ—I...I... I thought it was bad, and then there was the live poo. And then there was the jazz hands. And the fur wiener. And THEN there was the REAL LIVE KID. There were just so many things wrong with that.

Kimberly—True dat. I mean, we provide the potty. It's up to him to use it.

Christopher—Food coloring, huh? I'll leave that one up to the mister, what with my aversion to toilets.

Jules—I hear that 3 is a good age. Particularly for boys, who apparently don't mind walking around in a diaper full of [censored].

May—I won't say that I haven't tried treats. Not meaty ones though.

Dadwhowrites—Oh he's definitely on board with the notion of stripping down and sitting on the potty. He loves to mimic grownups. Of course he just doesn't realize what's supposed to happen once he sits.

TNR—That sounds like one of those parental moments of desperation that end up working out in the end.

Slamdunk—I'm continually amazed by how, as a generality, little girls seem so much more receptive to talking, cooperating and personal hygiene. Wait, we're still talking about kids, right?

Earth To Mother Ship said...

We are using the all in one BJORN - it does not have the removable cup thingy. LOVE it!

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