Wednesday, September 9

I guess the fact that I can sing every song from The Sound of Music—in character—evens things out between us

For the life of me, I can't remember why I asked the question, but I did, and there was no turning back.

Me
: So when you used to play Dungeons and Dragons, did you, like, dress up and talk in weird accents and stuff?

Noah
: No! It's more like a board game and a video game put together. And you have characters that are represented on the board by little figurines. But we would just use other stuff, like a piece of a Starburst or a wadded up piece of paper, and that's what we'd play with.

Me
: You're going to have to explain that to me.

Noah
: Well, you have this dungeon master, who blahbity blah blah wah wah dwarf! blahbity blah blah...

Me: [to self] That ceiling fan really needs to be dusted. Watching it spin like this...the spinning...is... so... hypnotizing...

[Several minutes later...]

Noah: So what kind of character do you want to be?

Me
: Huh, uh, what? What'd you say? I wasn't listening.

Noah
: You asked me to explain it!

Me
: I know! It was an accident. I mean, I'm just so used to tuning out that kind of stuff!

Noah
: Okay, well we're making you a character.

Me
: Okay. Like what?

Noah
: Well you can be a dwarf or an elf or...

Me
: I'll be an elf.

Noah
: And do you want to be a blahbity blah blah or a blah wah wah...

Me
: [mentally drifting, then recommitting to concentrating really hard] Um, what?

Noah
: Do you want to be a druid or a...

Me
: Yes. Druid.

Noah
: Okay, you're an elf druid. Where do you want to be from?

Me
: France.

Noah
: ...

Me
: Also? I'd like to be a druid princess.

Noah
: Fine. Well basically what happens now is that the dungeon master would start the story up, where say my character would meet your character somehow, and then we'd go on adventures.

Me
: So, he just makes it up?

Noah
: Sure. I remember this one time [starts laughing] the funniest thing happened [laughing] when our dungeon master made one guy who was a dwarf [laughing really hard now] come upon this mountain where there were other dwarves [hysterically laughing] and blahbity blah wah wah wah blah...

Me
: [to self] I wonder what's going on in the tennis match. I can't believe Andy Murray is out. Dismal performance. That's really sad about Nadal's parents, too. And how about that Oudin! I hope she can pull off another upset. Gee, I wonder when my next haircut is. I'll have to figure out what I want to do with it...

Noah
: ...and we were all, a magical hammer?!?! Ha ha ha!

Me
: Ha ha! Yeah, that's hilarious.

Noah: That probably didn't make you want to get it on with me, did it?

Me: Well, good night.

12 comments:

The Bug said...

Hilarious! My husband is a historian & I find myself tuning out in the middle of a "lecture" about something. It's kind of a joke between us...

mrs. fuzz said...

OMG! This could be the same exact conversation between me and HF. i will never EVER understand the computer gamers and dungeons and dragons people and I have an intense dislike towards the midevial club people that gather at our nearby park on thursday nights to practice battle in full costume and who also frequent a pizza place on tuesday nights to make chain mail. I could go on and on. This was hilarious though.

HF knows to ruin any chance at romance he can talk about computers, airsoft, video games, or computer games.

Slamdunk said...

I think that is why guys need a go-to guy friend so he is tired of talking about computer or other games when the spouse would rather not hear about the damage that a flaming broad sword can do against +2 armor. :-)

copswife said...

For my husband it was WoW. Now he mostly farmtowns, which I don't get either. But your converstation totally made sense to me!

JJ Daddy-O said...

My wife's brain is full of disco lyrics. If you would do a pie chart of her brain space allocation, there would be a very large wedge that said "Disco and other 70's lyrics" on it.
I, on the other hand, never played D&D, so I'll leave you to decide which one of us is cooler.

Anonymous said...

Mmmm... In our house, it's sports. Doesn't matter what sport, whether it's college or professional (or in the case of baseball, Little League), husband knows about it. And will watch it. Endlessly. And will talk about it. Endlessly.

The good thing is that after 10 years of marriage, not only can I say, "You know I don't care and I'm not really listening, right?" but he also will say, "I know you don't care about this at all, but let me just get it out."

Anonymous Laura

Anonymous said...

THAT is one of the funniest things I've read. Noah and Gavin would talk about these things when we all worked in the movie theater oh so many years ago, and our eyes would just glaze over. Maybe it's a guy thing
~Kerry

Single Parent Dad said...

I am not standing between Dan and Noah if they get all dungeons and dragons on us next year. I bet I could give you a good run for your money on switching off to their yabble.

Erin said...

@Bug—I want to be supportive of his, uh, interests, but it's really like a reflex to not listen.

@Mrs. Fuzz—Chain mail?!?! That's amazing. In a bad way.

@Slamdunk—When we were in California, I had to cut him off at one point when he was spending too much time playing video games with our 18-year-old host.

@copswife—Do not even get me STARTED on WoW.

@JJ—Disco...that's pretty bad. But I realized (this morning, in fact) that I hold a disproportionate amount of Mariah Carey lyrics in my brain storage. So there's that too.

@Anonymous Laura—What a testament to your true love.

@Kerry—And how funny is it that they're both cops now?

@Single Parent Dad—How about we have a contest to see which of us can listen to Dan and Noah the least? I'll start now.

mappchik said...

Is it wrong that I want to know what filled in the blank that ends with "a magical hammer"?

I played D&D as a teen. Picked up a few of the basic scenarios for 3-day weekends with bad weather and kids. All three kids seemed to like it. That we're using figures on a map helps, I think. Easier to get excited about an actual dwarf than a bottle cap or rock. This winter, we'll probably try making our own adventure.

Yes, I have the large roll-out mat for making your own map, and a couple old manuals. But my husband has a stash of Runequest materials, including blank character sheets, so he is by far the bigger dork.

Tina said...

Yay Noah! Erin - you totally SHOULD play D&D. You just need to get over the social stereotypes and just immerse yourself in the story. As a writer, you'll be really good at creating a character with an interesting back story, and with such a great imagination, you'll enjoy it so much more! =)

Also, please elaborate on Magic Hammer story. Also, next time Noah tries to get you to play D&D, I sincerely hope you roll a natural 1 on your Will save. You know, for your own sake.....

Erin said...

Mappchik—That actually sounds like a great idea. Works the imagination and all.

Tina—I just knew you were going to defend Noah! When he read your comment, he asked me "do you know what rolling a natural 1 is?" I said no, and he said, "well it's when...nevermind." :)

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