Monday, August 10

Straight after this, I'm going to go take my fiber supplement. With prune juice.

I've always manipulated the mathematical rounding rule to my advantage, since I prefer to take a less rigid approach to arithmetic than say, a math teacher. Or anyone interested in producing correct figures.

High School Erin, to self: Okay so we're halfway through first period English, so that means second period Geometry is coming up. And two periods after that is lunch (choco fro yo, I'm comin' atcha), after which is History, and then it's practically Gym, and by then I might as well start getting ready to go home. So really the day is almost over, and it's only 8:30 in the morning!

But today, no matter how I try to spin it, 6 is 6, which is definitely closer to 10 than 5, which means 26 is closer to 30 than 20. Hold on a sec while I crunch these numbers...

26/30 + a(1983) - August 9 = I AM GETTING OLD.

I know this for sure because this morning I realized that my favorite radio station is 98.7 Simon "We play everything!" because all that new music the kids are listening to sounds the same: just a bunch of noise! I mean, where else can you get Dave Matthews, Bryan Adams, Heart, the Jackson 5, the Youngbloods and Outkast all in the same station?!

Sigh.

But, to those of you who sent me birthday wishes, I thank you. I actually did have a good birthday, including a confidence-boosting successful triathlon self-training session at the Y.

In other news, Noah is interviewing for a special assignment today: Super Kids! And what the heck is that, you ask? Well, he'd be the officer who goes into schools and teaches programs like DARE (Drug Abuse Resistance Education). He may have to throw in a special at-home course, DART (Dog Abuse Resistance Training), especially if Cody doesn't stop barking at stray cats while Ethan is napping. It's not all chocolate milk and recess, though. When he's not teaching courses, he'd be working with detectives and doing other special assignments. Which, if I'm rounding correctly, is definitely closer to awesome than not-awesome.

1) It'd be great experience—he'd meet more people, teach (something he's EXCELLENT at), and figure out if detective work is something he'd be interested in.

2) It'd mostly be way better hours—practically school hours! Weekends and major holidays off!!

Our friend, who I will call C-dub (as in C.W. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) says that most special assignment appointments are popularity contests, so I instructed Noah to act popular today. He's been practicing his winning smile and distressing his jeans.

I also sent him to work with an album of photos depicting him in various teacherly poses: Holding a book, pointing to a diagram, pretending to lecture, and even one of him wearing a tweed jacket with elbow patches (for good measure).

8 comments:

Costume Diva said...

Ok I remember the DARE song... "Knowledge is power, Im telling you true. Learn all you can. Its all up to you. Gotta take care of your problems. Be the best you can be because users are loosers. Gotta be drug free. Yeah!" If Noah had sang that it would have sealed the deal, for sure.

Christopher said...

You couldn't pay me the chief's salary to take that assignment, but if it's Noah's thing, I say go for it.

I'm sure he could go back to being the real police some day :)

Slamdunk said...

Happy belated b-day and best wishes to Noah.

We kept a dog for several months for the Mrs. ill grandfather. Good dog, just barked at everything why the kids were napping. We work very hard to get those curtain climbers to sleep, and needless to say the dog was on thin ice after a few weeks of this habit. Tough thing...

copswife said...

I totally get your math here.

Dan said...

Tell Noah to remember not to accidently say he'd advise kids to try crack. That's a sure fire interview breaker.

Happy birthday. 26 isn't old. 33, now that's old.

Tina said...

You goin' ta BINGO later? I'm heading over straight after the early bird special. =)

And yes - my drawing has major boobage. Because, well, when your Charisma score is 28, you likely have gorgeous boobs to match. Speaking from lack of experience in the boob department, of course....

Jasmine said...

YOU are not old! Silly!

Kathy B! said...

Your math and deductive reasoning are beyond reproach!

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