One of only a few things that I am Not The Best At

I've been on airplanes frequently from the time I was two and we moved to Ireland. You'd think I'd be good about it, but on thinking back, I'm actually not very. Our upcoming trip to California is, well, coming up, and of course we're concerned about taking Ethan on a cross-country flight without tranquilizing him. Because I mean, wouldn't it be easier to take toddlers on trips if you could knock them out and place them in an easy-to-manage carrier? Like a well-padded duffel bag? (Oh come on, I wouldn't zip it up. Or check it, either. What kind of a mother do you take me for?)

Ethan has by all accounts done rather well on the plane rides he's already taken in his life, including the time we covertly changed his about-to-burst pee diaper in-flight. But if I'm going to be skeptical of him, it's only fair that I share with you some of my own in-flight, uh, dramas:

• I once saw this huge glowing thing in the sky that I for serious began to worry was an approaching UFO. After a while I realized it was the moon. Have you seen that thing from a plane? It's HUGE.
• I once had to have the flight attendant bring me a full glass of orange juice to spike my blood sugar and keep me from passing out on a trans-Atlantic flight while watching the surprisingly faint-inducing Sense & Sensibility.
• I once almost passed out while in a descent during my pregnancy, and I'm not really sure why.
• I once might have clung to my brother in that united-by-trauma style often seen in films during a lightning storm on a flight to New Mexico.
  

With that in mind, Noah probably would prefer if I could be tranquilized and stuffed into a duffel bag for the journey. In fact, the only real hang-up keeping him from doing it is the fact that I'd be too big to fit in the overhead compartment.