Wednesday, June 3

Things I love about Craigslist, in points

  • Unabashed phonetic spellings. "Chester Drawers" is a personal favorite. And don't even ask people to spell "papasan chair."
  • Never!!! In one place!!!!!!!! Will you see!!!!!!!!!! So!!! Many!!!!!! EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!! AND VIRTUAL YELLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COMBINED!!!!!!
  • The many shades of meaning implied by the adjectives "nice," "beautiful" and "comfortable." Also, "antique."
  • Helpful advice given by sellers trying to convince you that, for instance, this kitchen cart could be used as a craft center, for added counter space, for toiletries—the sky is the limit. Heck, it could even be used as a portable home organization center that you could attach to your angle and drag around the house so it's always within reach. And for the bargain price of $30—and they'll assure you that they're taking a major loss by selling it so cheap—you could own this multipurpose kitchen cart that will truly change your life.
  • DID I MENTION THE EXCLAMATION POINTS???!!!! ALSO the *******ASTERISKS******** and ++++++++ plus!!!!! SIGNS!!!+++++++
  • Inspiring perseverance. As a regular on our local Craigslist furniture listings, I am amazed at the person who keeps re-posting a "Captain's Chair" (which is really a flimsy white wooden and green canvas debacle with "I LOVE GOLF" emblazoned across it). What's more, they never come down on price, which is a firm $20. And without irony, although there's also a vintage bentwood rocker for sale for the same price.
  • Mondo deals from people who have some really awesome furniture through inheritance or the merging of families or rental property acquisitions and just want to get rid of the stuff.
  • Witnessing people's truly horrendous home decor mistakes that they're now trying to push off on someone else. Think: Geometric pastel print on black background rugs, that canary yellow leather sectional, etc.
  • The frequency with which sellers try to get rid of their Walmart bookcases for a mere $5 discount on the actual cost of a new one.
  • The hutzpah. The moxie. The at-ti-tude of some sellers, who present their list of demands and qualifications (such as "Don't try sendin me an email because I won't answer it") or who are irritated by basic inquiries, and so head them off at the pass ("and no i dont have pics so dont ask"). Jeez people, how dare you request a little more description of that "++++nice, beautiful, unique+++++ CAPTAIN'S CHAIR!!!!"
  • Determining the approximate age or criminal status of sellers based on important written cues. Such as "this is a really cute table 4 a girlz room haha but I'm moving so I don't have room 4 it anymore lol :)" I once inquired about a Wii that was for sale at a suspiciously low price, asking if it was still available. The seller responded with an exuberant "Hellz yea!"
Can I get a shout out from any other Craigslist junkies?


The Naked Redhead said...

I've gotten amazing stuff off of Craigslist, but I do so love what putting a simple word like "chandelier" in the search box will bring you. Not only will you find the tacky brass typical five-arm jobbies, but you'll also get horrendous glass monstrousities from the 80's, IKEA wall sconces, and fake Tiffany lamps. It's a great, great time.

Kate Riley said...

Hysterical. And true, which makes it all the more humorous.

DOES U KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT !!!!!!!!!!!#####***** !!!!!!!!??????

Together We Save said...

You are too funny. This is also very true.

Slamdunk said...

I have never been there--sounds like I am missing some funny reading though.

julia said...

This post was way too hilarious, I'm going to have more wrinkles, thanks !!!!!!!!! You're awesome.

Anonymous said...

Too funny! Those are all so true about craigslist especially the spelling part and the exclamation points.

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