Monday, May 25

Have I ever told you how I feel about toilets?

Step one of casa de Fierce Beagle's master bathroom renovation: surgical removal of all removable objects. Including the toilet.

I have a thing about toilets. They gross me out, even if they're sparkling clean. And this has nothing to do with the fact that I've spent the last two years worshiping the porcelain gods way more than should be humanly possible (pregnancy, sickness; surgery, sickness; sickness, sickness). My Loo Loathing has been around far longer than that.

My gross-out factor is literally so strong that if I have, say, a piece of candy in my mouth, I can't enter the bathroom for any reason until I've swallowed--or unless I hold my breath (even if the room is odorless). Although, bathrooms are never really odorless. The scent of damp porcelain is gag-inducing to me. I'm not one of those people that drink a glass of wine while soaking in the tub, for the toilet will be there, staring at me, like a weird stranger on the train whose mother never taught him that it's rude to be creepy. Ew.

Needless to say, Noah handled the extraction.

I know all six of you are anxiously awaiting photos; never fear, I have taken the befores and will post as soon as we have afters. Which will hopefully be before our marriage dies by DIY renovation.


Maggie May said...

I've never heard someone hate toilets so much!
Maybe you should try a natural air freshener in the bathroom so you can't smell damp bathroom :)

Costume Diva said...

Hahaha... damp porcelain. I do agree about the no food or drink in there, though. Eww.

Slamdunk said...

I think there the fancy name for fear of toilets is corporophobia. Good luck with the rennovations.

Kate Riley said...

God you make me laugh.

Thankfully my master toilette (let's just give it a prettier name, shall we?) is behind a separate closed door ! That way, I can enjoy that glass of wine in the bathtub and ignore the creepy stranger.

Jen said...

I'm with CG, the toilet has it's own personal room - yay! We're planning a bathroom renovation, I'm looking forward to seeing what you do!

mrs. fuzz said...

Ha Ha! What other phobias and "weaknesses" do you have? I'm still laughing about the medic tent post from the John Adams special. I remember always taking my food into the bathroom when I was little and my mom would totally flip out. Now I know why.

Erin said...

Some good tips, all, for the corporphobic in me. I'll be draping the newly dubbed "toilette" with a garland of freshly picked wildflowers daily, until I can get a bathroom with a separate water closet, if you will.

Mrs. Fuzz--my weaknesses are too numerous to mention here. But let me leave you with this: A few years ago we visited one of Noah's aunts and uncles who run a campground in Mississippi. Every night before I'd get into bed (we stayed in one of the cabins), I made him do a sweep of the room for bugs, including under the bed clothes. But have you seen Mississippi bugs? I was justified.

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