There are a few things in this life that I loathe: the word ombudsman; the term "dry sockets"; and herpes. And no, I'm not referring to some gross STD. THERE'S ANOTHER KIND OUT THERE, OKAY, AND IT IS ATTACKING INNOCENTS WITH SURREPTITIOUS VIGOR.
I am here to defend the honor of we poor souls who have to go to the pharmacy for our Acyclovir prescriptions and stand among the sexually promiscuous and poor judges of character, branded with the despicable guilt for crimes we have not committed. Cold sores are agents of evil, casting a pall over we who suffer their stinging barbs of shame.
Cold sore sufferers, unite! No longer will we cower in self-disgust, blistered and alone. Let Zovirax rain down from the Walgreenses and CVSes and Rite Aids of the world until this terrible foe is eradicated! This is a Holy War. With God on our side, who can be against us? In the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.